Wednesday, September 24, 2014

last semester in UIA; the beginning

Salaam..
it has been so long after my last post. i'm not a person who write well nor speak well..

from the first day of this sem till today, i have done too many behaviors that are not supposed to be shown.. haha.. i become clumsier than ever, become lazier than ever, ineffective in certain tasks and the perfect word for my situation now is i'm demotivated. losing the motivation to keep continuing what i do..
or u can say, highly depressed?

problems? yup! everyone do have problems. but perhaps the level of the stressors/problems vary on each and everyone or perhaps ur coping strategies are not good enough. 

i no longer the student who do tasks well, who perform well..
(i'm talking about the outcome here)

sebelum ni, setakat 3 meeting dalam satu hari tak termasuknya dengan discussion for group asssignments tak ada hal la.. walaupun fizikal penat tapi mental proses jalan elok lagi.. seblum ni, 2-3 program serentak aku kena handle, hasilnya as hoped. ok sahaja alhamdulillah!  sebelum ni, mampu pergi training silat tiap2 malam lepas habis discussion/meeting sampai kul 1 pagi, esoknya pergi kelas macam biasa je.. belum lagi aktiviti-aktiviti lain macam jadi research assistant, kerja part time sambil2, jadi mainboard untuk 2 organisasi kelab, dengan ambik 21 credit hournya...

nak cerita benda lama memang senang.. tapi masih tidak membantu meng'up'kan diri yang tengah 'down' ni.  mungkin jiwanya sudah tiada.. maybe no more passion left.. semangat yang hilang. hurm!


the best thing is now i'm a final year student but until now i still do not know what i want to do for my future. to those who know what u want to do, and already working on it, i am very jealous of u!! all the best guys!

i realized my problems and i realized the overt behaviors and thoughts that resulted from it. but i still do have hope to recover to my initial state.. be the usual and extraordinary FENI..

this post might seems stressful to u or giving u a perception how depressing i am but
the reason for this post is that after some times i can take a look on this post and say " hey, i really did an amazing job on getting back on my legs and leave all those negativity"

i hope someday i can say it proudly that i have gone through some downturn of my life..

ameen ya rabbal a'lamin..


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